Donald Trump's team has promised "soft sensuality" at his inauguration. The Mormon Tabernacle Choir will perform. I'm sure that's where it will come from.
The Japanese Broad Tape Worm has infected wild salmon caught in Alaska. Any salmon caught along North America's Pacific coast may be contaminated.
Also, there's been a Twinkie recall... Tragedy.
Plus the guy who was arrested for blowing his airhorn in a police station. He was dressed in a bunny suit.